This is Part 2 of a five-part series on NLP Presuppositions, that is, the beliefs behind NLP.

NLP Presuppositions Part 1 dealt with 1. Respecting the other person’s model of the world, 2. Behaviour is context dependent, 3. Decision-making must be ecological.

To recap: ‘Presuppositions’ is another way of expressing the word ‘assumptions’.

It may not be possible to authenticate NLP Presuppositions, but if we act as though they were true, we ‘see’ people and experience life quite differently.

In this, Part 2, the topics will be 4. Resistance in communication is a sign that there is lack of rapport between the protagonists, 5. People are not their behaviours, 6. everyone is doing the best they can given the resources they have at that time.

4. Resistance in any form of communication is a sign that there is lack of rapport between the protagonists

When we are in communication with someone, the direction that that communication is taking is entirely our responsibility.

This applies to each individual participating in the communication.

You may not agree with this comment, in the first instance. You may respond with: “I’m being very clear but the other person just doesn’t want to understand what I’m getting at.”

Be that as it may, if a positive and constructive outcome is desired, whose behaviour are you in control of for proceedings to move forward, constructively and pleasantly?

Only yours!

Another person will not change their behaviour because you are trying to force them, not if a permanent win/win situation is sought.

5. People are not their behaviours

This demands of us, that we appreciate, without any judgment, why a person is behaving the way they are, and meeting them at that point when we interact with them.

A master of this skill was Dr Milton Erikson

Eriksonian hypnosis in action is very interesting.

There are fascinating documentations that illustrate how he took on the model of the world of clients and people he randomly met.

There is the account of a three year old girl he saw in a restaurant, and of an eight year old boy whose parents had brought their son to seek Erickson’s help.

If anyone is interested in either of those stories, I can write about them separately.

6. Everyone is doing the best they can given the resources they have for that situation at that particular time

Remember, this may not necessarily be true, but if we act as if it were true, it will strongly influence our behaviour and subsequently the responses we will get from the other person.

By acting in this way, we will build valuable rapport with the other person, which will lessen, if not remove any resistance that the other person may have to what we are saying or want them to do.

Remember, any resistance is a sign of deteriorated rapport.

The outcome may not be the best under the circumstances from your point of view. Does it help the situation to let the other person know? Not at all.

In hindsight, we could do many things differently, but everyone is doing the best they can at that given moment.