Matching and mirroring what someone is doing or the style of language a person uses is a very powerful but subtle way to build rapport.

Remember, that when NLP is used with integrity, any of the techniques or skills is based on a positive final outcome.

There is no manipulation, nor is there ever a self-interest motive.

When discussing matching and mirroring the person with whom you are communicating, you are aiming at creating a deep, unconscious rapport with that person for a win-win situation unencumbert by self-interest.
You may match and mirror another person’s

• body posture

• head tilt

• gestures

• speaking volume

• speaking speed

• or any other individual way of communicating the person has

This is merely to show empathy; it is a form of respect and acknowledgment of that person’s style of communicating.

It is an indication that you care enough about that person to communicate in what is acceptable and comfortable to her or him.

Initially, this type of rapport is done consciously, as is anything that is in the learning process.

If you match and mirror with the wrong intent, the other person will quickly see what you are doing, and then there is no chance of building a rapport.

But if you match and mirror with the pure intent of wanting to make the other person feel comfortable, that is exactly what will happen.

You will both get on as though you have been old friends, and the communication will be seamless.

Matching is doing something the other person is doing, but in reverse image, that is if a person puts up their right hand, you put up your right hand.

Mirroring is being the mirror image of the other person, for example, if the other person raises her or his right hand, you mirror by raising your left hand.

Matching is more subtle, but mirroring can create a deeper unconscious level of rapport.

There is also the opportunity to cross-over mirror, such as combining two or more methods of mirroring at one time, that is altering your breathing rate while tapping your fingers on the table at the same time – just as the other person is doing.

So what can you match and mirror?

The other person’s

1. Physiology

• Their posture, such as the crossing of the legs, leaning forwards, backwards or sideways

• Facial expressions, including blinking, laughing

• Gestures, such as arm movements, finger tapping, exasperation, surprise

• Rate of breathing, slowing it down or getting slightly faster

2. Voice Tonality

• Varying the pitch, speed, quality or loudness of your voice

3.  The words used

• Usage of key words

• Usage of key phrases

• Favoured sayings or expressions

• Common experiences that you both may have had

• Common associations that you can relate to

• How you chunk information, whether in small chunks or larger ones

This may seem to be a very complex way of building rapport, however just focusing on one at a time, again will bring success.

As with everything, the subconscious mind is a very willing learner, all you have to do is to program it about what you want it to do for you, and it will remember.

The conscious mind simply has to set the wheels in motion, and the subconscious mind will get the message of what it has to do.

But this will only happen if you have done it to the point where both minds are in congruence with your intention.

That is done through practice, practice and, you guessed it, more practice.

Have fun.  It is worth it.